She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
