Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The beer is more important than you right now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
