Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
