I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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