I showed him my bush... on skype.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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