We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
