you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
