:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is wine microwaveable?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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