Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
