You made me cry and you don't even care
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
