have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
