Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
