You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
