i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How naked do you want me to be?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
