A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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