I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
