Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
