Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
