just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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