sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
