i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
