Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
