God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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