Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
