My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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