I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
