hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
