I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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