THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My penis needs a shock collar
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
