She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my shit smells like andre
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
