At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
