can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
