hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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