Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
