every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
