Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
