a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
His nipple licking is glorious
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