Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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