Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
