this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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