You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
