Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
