dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
