Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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