he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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