I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
