I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
