I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
