I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
