i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
