it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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