omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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